Something I wrote

I've been feeling a little like I'm at an amusement park lately, with all the holiday festivities a-goin-on that I have not had a chance to tap into my creative writing side & get a blog of all the fun-tastic craft-a-rific things I've been doing. I decided to post a little something I wrote a while back, just an observation piece of sorts that I like to read as a good laugh from time to time. All of the events that you're going to read about are true & I did not change any names to protect anyone. Enjoy.

(Warning--this is a personal matter and if you are at all embarrassed about the topics of womanly adornments, than this piece is not for you and I advice you just not to read it. However if you would like a little giggle, please read on.)

(Disclaimer: some people have reported tinkling, just a little, while reading this)

This story took place in March of 2007.




Yesterday Poppy & I set out on an adventure that made me realize that I'm growing into my wisdom...

A very good friend of ours is throwing a little party and it's an over night event, complete with pool access. So a few weeks ago, we purchased a swimming outfit for little Poppy Moon. Marty has one that still fits and I went to try mine on. Now it's not that it didn't fit exactly, it's just I've had this swimming costume longer than I've had either of my children--and things have changed. I have needed a new suit for a long time--I've been trying to gain support by wearing another one underneath, the straps tangled together to prevent them from falling down, just not very swim-worthy. After showing Adam, I said, "Do you think I could get a new swimmer?" He agreed--it must have been really bad.

So as I said before, Poppy and I sent out on an adventure to buy me new poolwear. I had done a little research on-line so I had some ideas. I went to the first store, picked out the one I saw on the computer. Man, it looked good or as good as it gets when you're a plus sized gal who is not in any sort of shape. The skirt was a little flirty, but didn't scream, I'm a skirt to cover up these scary thighs underneath. The top had a fun design and some support, and oh, my, god--it was like looking at a buffet for infants--if I could have sported a dickey underneath to hide the girls I would have went for it. So I went back to the racks to begin again.

Now I don't watch the news all the time, and I can't remember numbers very well, but I've seen a lot about the huge epidemic of obesity in the US (I'm a statistic, yeah!) And I don't know for sure, but I think that with the increase of waist sizes the average age of life expectancy goes down—so why is it that swimsuit designers (or any clothing designer for that matter) think that if you are over the size 14 that you adore big ass flowers all over the place? The tiny little eye patch suits don't have only flowers as an option--is it that much harder to make big suites without the flowers. And the neck lines--I think they figure, well if we distract from all the other "problem" areas with the tata extravaganza, no one will notice the thunder thighs in the pool.

I just about resorted to wearing a moo-moo into the pool and soaking up all the water so no one could swim. But at long last, I found a due-able suit. A High neckline, a little skirt and not a blasted flower in sight. The price was a bit of sticker shock to Adam--it was on sale honest, and damn it I'm a grown woman with grown woman swimsuit needs that just are not covered with $10 Wal-Mart jobby. The highlight of trying on suit after suit was the little giggle of Poppy as I changed--as though she was remembering the simpler time of her life, eating and sleeping, no complications of what to play with.

Now I tell you this story, not for pity, we've all tried on swim suits and gone through our own adventures--but I tell you to make you laugh, if not at yourself--then by all mean laugh your asses off at me. For a smile truly does keep the insides feeling sunny, even on the darkest of days. And that is how I'm growing in my wisdom.